CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Tess' Marriage

The next morning when Clare woke up, the sun was not shining. The fireplace was full of cold ashes. There were two full glasses of wine on the table.

Clare sent the cleaning lady away. He did not want anyone else in the house. He made a fire and cooked breakfast. People walking by saw the house and envied the newly married couple.

"Breakfast is ready," said Clare.

Tess came downstairs. She was dressed, but she was cold. She had hoped for the best when she heard Clare's voice. Now she saw his face and her hope died. She walked up to him and put her hand on his face. Was this the man who had loved her? She looked pure and beautiful. Angel could not stop looking at her.

"Tess, please say it isn't true."

"It is true."

Angel almost wanted her to lie. He wanted to believe it wasn't true.

"Is he alive?" he asked.

"No, the baby is dead," said Tess.

"What about the man?"

"He is in England," said Tess.

Clare looked very sad. "I did not want wealth or knowledge in a wife. I did not even care about a good family. I only wanted purity. I sacrificed everything. But it is not your fault."

Tess understood. He had lost everything.

"Angel, I would not have married you if I had known how much you sacrificed. But there is a way out," said Tess. She was close to tears. "You can divorce me."

"Don't be stupid Tess. I can't do that."

"Why not? I have told you the whole story."

"Tess, you don't understand the law. I cannot."

"Oh," said Tess. She was very unhappy. "I thought you could divorce me. I should have done it last night. I didn't have the courage, but I should have done it."

"What should you have done?" asked Angel.

"I should have killed myself. I was in the bedroom and had a rope in my box. But I couldn't do it. I was afraid that people would talk about my death. I was afraid that you would suffer."

Clare was very surprised.

"Tess, you must never think about doing that again. Promise me that you will not."

"I promise. I understand that it was wrong, but I just wanted to make things easier for you. But killing myself is too good for me. You should kill me. I am only hurting you by being your wife."

"Be quiet, Tess."

"Yes. I will do as you say," she said.

As they ate, they were tired and sad. They did not eat much and could not look at each other. Angel left to work and Tess cleaned the ashes from the fireplace. She cleaned the house, made lunch and waited for Angel to return. At lunch, they talked about his job. In the afternoon he worked again. In the evening he came home and studied. Tess went into the kitchen. He found her there.

"You don't have to work in the kitchen. You are not my servant. You are my wife."

"Should I think of myself as your wife?"

"Of course you should. You are my wife," he said.

Tess began to cry. "I told you I was not good enough for you. You persuaded me to marry you."

She turned away from him and cried like her heart was breaking. Any other man would have been softened, but not Angel Clare. He was nice, but he was hard. He had resisted his parents' teachings and did not go to church. Now he resisted Tess. Tess accepted this. She did not judge him for being cold. She still thought he was perfect.

The next day, Tess tried to kiss her husband. He ignored her and said goodbye. She felt like he had hit her. He used to want to kiss her all of the time.

On his way to work, Angel regretted being so cold. He wished he had kissed Tess just once.

Everyday together, they grew far apart. Clare did not know what to do. Tess no longer hoped for his forgiveness. One evening she said, "I don't think you will live with me much longer."

"No. We cannot live together as a married couple while that other man is still alive. He is your natural husband. If he were dead, things would be different. If we had children, they would find out later. Everyone would talk about it. They would grow up under a cloud and hate you for it."

"I had not thought of that," Tess said. She was very sad.

She had hoped that being together would make him softer. She wanted to win him back. She had not imagined that their future children might hate her. She remembered the time she had judged her mother for having babies when she could not take care of them. She did not want to make the mistakes her mother had made.

Tess could have said that if they had a farm in a different country no one would know about her past. But she did not argue. Maybe that was the right thing to do. Angel might always be bitter. Even if no one knew, he would not be close to her.

One day it was too much. Tess said, "We must separate."

"What will you do?" asked Angel.

"I will return to my mother's house. If I stay, I will try to make you stay with me. Then we would both be unhappy. I must go."

"Yes," said Angel. His voice was hard but his face was white. Tess was surprised that he had agreed so quickly.

"Since it was your idea, I think it would be good for us to separate. We should be apart for a little while. Maybe someday we will be together."

The next day, they both prepared to leave. That night Tess woke up to a noise in the house. She thought it was Angel coming to her bedroom, and she was very happy. Then she saw that he was walking in his sleep. He came into the room. He was still sleeping. He said, "Dead, dead, dead. My poor wife Tess is dead. She was so sweet and good."

These words sounded sweet to Tess. He would not say things like this while he was awake. She tried not to wake him up.

Angel was still asleep. He picked Tess up and carried her downstairs. She wondered if he would throw her down the stairs or if they would fall and die together. He walked out of the house and to the river. She did not care what he did. They arrived at a place where the river was wild. Maybe he would drown her.

They crossed the river on a narrow bridge. Angel walked towards an old church. He laid Tess down beside an old wall. He kissed her and smiled happily. Then he lay down next to her and went to sleep.

Tess stood up. She persuaded Angel to walk back to the house without waking him up. It was very cold. She helped him into his bed downstairs. He was still asleep.

The next morning, Angel did not remember what had happened. Tess did not talk about it. They left the farm, the place they wanted to have a happy life together. As they separated Angel spoke to Tess.

"Remember," he said, "I am not angry with you. I just cannot live with you right now. I will try to understand and accept you. Until I come to find you, please do not come to me."

This seemed like a terrible punishment for Tess. Did she really earn this?

"May I write you letters?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "Please write to me if you need anything or if you are sick. You will probably not need anything. I might write to you first."

"I agree to do this. Please know that this is very hard for me." Tess did not say anything else. If she had cried or begged, he probably would have softened. But she made it easy for him to leave. He gave her some money. They said goodbye. He watched Tess leave. He secretly hoped Tess would look back at him. She did not. He walked down the road alone. He did not realize that he still loved her.

(end of section)